To lead others, it helps to understand yourself

The best questions are those which make you think. I had the chance to talk to a group of emerging leaders this week, and was intrigued to be asked the question of whether self-awareness was something I had consciously worked on in my own development as a leader.

The time it took me to come up with an answer might be taken as a signal that I’m not particularly self-aware. However, the truth is that self-awareness is something that I have consciously worked on throughout my career. I can say with confidence that in the very earliest stages of my career, as a young software developer, I was self-conscious (in the sense that I was painfully shy and uncomfortable in my own skin) but not particularly self-aware (in the sense that I had limited understanding of my own areas of strength and weakness, of what motivated me and what didn’t, and of what effect I had on others).

Even when I first moved into management, I don’t think I was particularly self-aware: I simply emulated the behaviour of some of my role models (which was mostly helpful) and behaved how I thought people were supposed to behave when given responsibility for the work of others (which was mostly unhelpful - this is why training for new managers matters so much).

Fortunately, some of those role models and mentors helped me to appreciate the importance of understanding myself better, and also convinced me that spending time on achieving this understanding was not self-indulgence, but essential to my development as a manager and leader. As a result, I have put effort into achieving some degree of self-awareness - and after more than twenty five years in management and leadership roles, I think that I may be making some progress.

I’d like to pass on some reflections on why this focus has made a difference to me, and what has helped me to develop whatever degree of self-awareness I have.

I think that increased self-awareness has given me four things. Firstly, it has given me humility: it has helped me to understand the things that I am no good at, the things I get wrong, and my areas of ignorance (recognising that, in the field of technology, ignorance grows daily). Second, it has given me confidence; it has helped me to recognise and accept the things that I am good at, the things that I have some expertise in, and the things that I can be confident I know. Third, it has given me resilience: it has made me aware that I have survived failures and challenges, has helped me to understand why I feel up or why I feel down on a particular day - and why the feeling will pass. Fourth, it has helped me learn: I believe that we should always be learning, but there is so much to learn that a signal of where to focus is useful.

I don’t have a perfect recipe for improving self-awareness, but I have found a couple of things useful. First, it is always helpful to seek and listen to feedback, and to recognise that feedback comes in many forms. You may request verbal or written feedback from another person. But you may also take some type of survey or test. You may reflect on your personal performance measures. You may even reflect on your own reactions to feedback. Were you defensive? Responsive? Disappointed? Pleased? Why? Any data shaped in response to your behaviour can be considered feedback.

It can be hard, however, to give yourself feedback. What do you ask yourself? And how do you get yourself to listen? One technique I have found helpful is to collect and consider good interview questions. I have had the good fortune to be part of a panel alongside some great interviewers, and I have often found myself wondering what my answer to the question would be: one of my favourite questions is ‘What do you do to recover your energy?’ I had never considered that question until I heard someone else being asked it.

When there are so many other people to think about, it can feel wrong to focus on yourself, but self-awareness does not have to mean selfishness or self-obsession. If we are to be servant leaders (which I think we should be), we must aim to be more selfless. But to get our self out of the way, we have to understand what that self is.